About 20 years ago I had to tell my wife of 12 years that I had a sex addiction. I had come to a dark cross roads in my path- I was 35 years old. After 5 years of work in an Ex-Gay ministry and intense accountability I soon realized that this wasn't addiction but rather repression. I had come to know the truth - I am gay. I loved my wife deeply. I loved our family with our 2 beautiful young children. I loved our lives in the context of the comfort of Christianity that had framed and formed our lives. I also knew that if I didn't come clean I would likely be dead within the year.
After 17 years of marriage it was my wifes courage, not my own, that said - it is over. What followed were, as one might imagine, very dark waters to explore (to add - I in no way want to negate the journey that my wife was catapulted on to - I cannot speak to it, though, as it is her's to tell - I simply acknowledge and honor her path). Gone was everything that had formulated our experience in the world - religion, sexual identity and safety, and family as we knew it, and my own knowing of self.
Along this journey, which I stepped into with fear and uncertainty, as well as a strong realization that "well I am here... now what"?
As a religious man I began by leaning into spiritual exploration. As a newly single man I began to explore what it meant to connect with other men in a way that did not involve secrecy, urgency and shame. I began to explore telling the truth which meant discovering the Truth. It is from this place that I start. I began to recognize a small voice nudging me back to self - the voice of my body.
As a massage therapist, I know the body and its wisdom - I was experiencing it not as an academic or theoretical construct but as reality - as felt sense experience - I was living it.
Over the course of that past 15 years I have expanded my massage practice and approach, I have become a yogi and eventually an instructor and I have completed an MA in Counseling Psychology with a specific focus on Somatic Psychotherapy - a body centered approach to counseling. I have married a man with whom I am deeply in love. It is from this story and these experiences that I gratefully step onto the stage as.....Me. I am here ...now. The breath and the body are my authenticity and I invite you to explore this experience for yourself.
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