It occurs to me, in times of introspection, that this seemingly unfamiliar place is in fact just a shadow of an old friend, a reminder of a life that used to be. There was a time when my life was an exercise in being anywhere else but here and feeling anyone else but me. I was invisible. Unfortunately, my reflection would appear every time I passed by a mirror or a window, a reminder that there was no escape. Life was dark and sad in those days, with a thick sheen of “happy and fulfilled” slathered all over. Today, however, I know something new.
This moment, this “now” is where I live and always have. When I hold myself here I can see for miles. When I try to go there, I stumble. I forget. Over there is not here so I come back here and just walk, one step at a time.
I actually love it here. I feel the earth, I hear my breathe, I know the Truth. Outside my window there is a bird sitting on a wire, he is gone now.
So, the thing that happens is, I invite the voices of others in when I need to be validated. Too many of those voices begin to cloud my moment and clutter my mind and I begin to organize and sort the voices. Now I am somewhere else…not here. If I am paying attention, I then begin to seek support in getting “grounded”. I rally the cheerleading squad. Now I am sorting spiritual mumbo jumbo to clear my head from the voices I originally invited for validation and I am now not here – twice removed.
There is a magnolia blossom on the table and I can smell the sweet perfume of summer in the south.
I find my moment. I hear my voice. I know my truth. I breathe.
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