Where Once There Was a Boy

Where once there was a boy,

a man now stands.

I look in the mirror as I

open the shower door

and see, for what feels like the first time,

the form of a grown

man;

strong

hairy

broad

tall

I see my beard

my chest

my cock

my feet

When did this all happen?

As I towel off

I feel the enormity

of this landscape.

I am the very person that I

imagined

(but never really thought)

I would be.

After dinner I sit on the sofa and read.

I put on my glasses, and crossing my arm over my body

I realize the size of my chest.

To my touch, I feel a man's body.

I pause in puzzled quiet

touching my body

looking at....... me.

I am suddenly filled with a measure of fear.

This means I am

alone.

I close the blinds and

lock the door to the

outside world because

I don't know how to be in THIS body

in THIS place.

The veil has lifted.

I see

me.

It is both exhilarating and

frightening.

I remember as a boy

hoping

one day that I

too would be

strong,

and that I would

shave,

and smell like my father after cutting the grass

I see a picture of me

kissing

my grandson.

I now span 3 generations

after having just buried

the

fourth.

How did I make it this far without

ever really seeing

me?

Maybe it was too

painful;

Maybe I couldn't afford to.

Maybe I am simply

ready.